Brendan was a little agitated this morning. But it was because he wanted to make sure he could go to Target. I told him he could if he has gentle hands at school. [Note: We have been using Target as a reinforcer for the last year when he could make it through the school day without hitting anyone.]
He actually got to school early today, 8:30am (instead of 10am which is his norm due to his sleeping issues). I met his new teacher who seemed very nice. Brendan had a good day except at one point he did cry. According to the aide, it was because it was really noisy in the classroom. Two of the aides are the same from last year. However, the third aide was assigned to another class. He did well all day so he got to go to Target after school. Then when we got home, he checked the mail and his Barney video arrived early. He was so happy and had the biggest smile on his face. I can honestly say that I live to see my son smile. All my worries and stress just disappear when I see that smile on his face.
He did well the rest of the day. But I noticed after dinner he was looking at pictures of past therapist. He was weepy and I asked him why. He said he didn't feel well. He also pointed to one of his therapist (like he missed her although she just saw him today). Then when I got him to bed, he was crying softly. So, I had him get up and go swing since this seems to calm him alot. I asked him if he was crying because he didn't fell well, he didn't answer. I asked him if there was something at home that was making him cry, he didn't answer. Then I asked him if there was something at school that was making him cry, and he looked at me and said, 'school'. I said, Do you miss your teacher?" and he said, 'yeah'.
I got the feeling that he was feeling abandoned by so many people in his life. We have had so many therapist, doctors, teachers, come and go. It's nice to have alot of people in your life, but then there is just that many more people who leave you. I explained to him why his teacher had to leave. I didn't want him to think it was because of him. Although I wouldn't put it past him to think that. Out of the 4 schools he has attended, three of the teachers left after he had them for only one year (instead of two or three years). They left due to problems with their boss, wanting to teach at a different school, and financial reasons. I told him that many people in his life will come and go, but lots of them still visit. I reminded him that just two weeks ago his speech therapist he had in elementary school stopped by to visit and this made him very happy.
My poor little guy. It breaks my heart because he is so sensitive and aware of everything, but can't express his exact feelings. I guess the best I can, but how frustrating it is for him to rely on others to 'guess' what is bothering him or what he wants to say. Don't get me wrong, he has many tools he can use (picture icons, sign language, adaptive augmentative communication devices, computer), but none of these are quick enough, accurate enough to really capture what he wants to say. I just keep hoping that one day he will talk, or at the very least, start to type what he feels (we are working on this).
Tomorrow he has his CST session. This always helps him feel better.
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